April 2008
Much of the news today is the political race for the eventual new tenants of the white house.
I hate media coverage! Where is the truth? Yet that is all we have since we don’t know these people except from what the media spews and what the speech writers write.

I will say I have found it interesting that a woman is running for such an office when in fact she was someone who was told not to even think about being interested in NASA when she was young - no women allowed then.

I am thrilled that 'women' have come this far.
No I am not a “radical feminist” neither Republican nor Democrat. I am a woman who truly believes in equal opportunity.
I can't find anywhere that states there is no equal opportunity much to the contrary at least in America.
But it’s the unwritten rules that women have always needed to know their place which means NASA was out and President of USA was out and Harvard was out.

In my little tiny corner of the world we have all come so far compared to the world my grandmothers lived in and even my mother.
But I am a woman who has always run smack into the middle of the egocentric world where the thinking often is men succeed and women are not as competent.
In wages for the same job, in sports, in owning a business at a young age, in music, in church, but never in my home.

My mom owned her own business when I was young. A few years later Billie Jean King beat Bobby Riggs in a larger than life tennis match. We were big into tennis. I didn't like her. She seemed arrogant, but somehow I thought it was great that she beat him for the mere fact that it was unfathomable at that time.
No woman could beat a man in sports and NEVER make as much money in the same profession ---- doing the exact same thing. And for years to come nothing changed. And I thank people like Billie Jean - even if I don't like them they have caused great things where women are concerned.

It wasn’t until 2007 that Wimbledon started to pay the women equal prize money. Hmmm 2007 ----- that was last year !! You think we have come so far but have we?

I am grateful we have made progress since my Mom’s days in high school. We went to the same school and she wasn’t allowed to even step foot on the school track even though she was an award winning sprinter let alone apply for a scholarship in what she excelled in.
Hmmm that wasn’t 100 years ago and my mom isn’t black. She graduated in the 60’s - top of her class. NASA wouldn’t have accepted her. At that time only 50 years had passed since women had the right to vote in Oregon so why should I be surprised.

Whether in business, in the home, in the workplace or some churches that still believe women are mere silent workhorses, or even in the small local music scene its something women face. The mindset in my arena of music is:
Men can rock.... women sing folk and need all sorts of help.

You have to break eardrums to get a review - and the ones writing the reviews don't care about the lyrics. Cover songs make the money in loud smoky bars with loud smoky people or perhaps acting arrogant,overconfident, screaming illiterate words, or acting as freakish as one can will give a certain accomplished sense of 'music'. Be really ugly with a nasty name and perhaps you will get credit for being creative.
Or like I found out a few weeks ago -
Certainly a woman songwriter with an acoustic guitar that goes by her own name knows nothing about music or running a gig. Amazing!

It took 40 years in tennis for equality. ( Its not like it’s football or basketball!) And yet it still took 40 years. I have had more opportunity than my mom did in school and it’s a fact that we are way ahead of what my grandmothers would have ever dreamed. And in this year where a dark skinned man and a white woman are running for the highest office in America it signifies to me equal opportunity.

I think we are a long way from equal rights in everyday life with equal wages for the same job and other mindsets that undermine people but the opportunity is there. No one can stop you from trying. Obviously women have tried and succeeded or there wouldn't be people with careers such as Hilary, Condoleezza, Venus Williams or Sheryl Crow.

Funny the world would stop turning and the news would churn if someone called Barak a racist name but no one would even think twice if Hilary were called something derogatory because shes a woman. And let's not forget the very recent standing ovation for a black pastor who's racist spewing caused even more dissension among us - What a grand example for equal rights.

So much for 40 years. Maybe I should change my name to Michak and become a smooth talker.
(March below)

March 2008
Well my underlying theme of the last few months has been the passing of time - how quickly it goes. It has never been this way for me until recently.

In a few days I will be older-again
This year is the down-slope from the much awaited event of last year. I never once thought of what I wanted to accomplish after I reached that grand age. I was simply hoping to reach it!

People who say it's just a number miss my point completely. I don't care what the number is I care that life is passing by really fast and I want to take it all in while I am able and willing.
And the many comments from people saying "you're not old" also miss the point - since being around someone older doesn't negate what I'm thinking because to me I am getting older so let's face it.

Older to me means: a little slower, a little more skeptical, more goodbyes, less ability in certain things, less time on the earth, being called ma'am, more wisdom, more appreciation, more gray hair, more contentment, more love to give and more desire to complete all I want to do.
That said
I am very thankful to make it to another year of life. I have lived so many of my dreams and goals. I have had an incredible life and I'm alive - that right there is worth getting older.

Losing someone so dear to me a few months ago caused me to realize once again - a day can change everything -
I've been through a lot of little changes lately. Quick sudden changes that alter how I "do" life.Which made me think of how many changes I have gone through throughout life. The many goodbyes.

I have said goodbye to so many friends. Living in the same area all of my life I've said that word a lot. Takes some time to re-route life without them nearby - whether through death or relocating. And I can't visit all of the friends who remain or I would be broke!

Adjusting quickly has never been a strength of mine. It takes me awhile to get back on the new road ahead of me. I twist and turn and work it out. It has been that way always. I am in that place once again. With getting older, losing a friend and my new CD.

But thankfully I get older at the same time spring is coming. The season being so faithful to appear and bring with it change and hope.
Color, opportunity, flowers, scents, wishes, sunshine, plans and anticipation - at least where I live that is true.

I find that I am inspired with plans when the sun cracks open the winter. Though songs haven't come easily lately, there's little time for anything else beside pursuing what I have already started.

I have spent the last while working behind the scenes of what you all will one day see and hear. And I have burrowed away this winter in hopes to emerge new.

People scream summer I scream winter....
People say Arizona I say Alaska - pretty much the same goes with most things.....I seldom walk the well traveled road.

It's just the way it is. I have to be settled in my own heart and mind ~ sometimes that takes months even years. So when I get to the end of my latest wishes (however long it takes ) I will be incredibly grateful for the time invested and the patience worked out And it won't even bother me that I have gotten older while I wait for the end result.

Well hopefully I won't have time to think about it.....
(February below)

February 2008
I occurred to me the other day how much has changed since I owned my own business for nearly 10 years - Its been 12 years since I sold it. I did my work during those years with no computer, no TV for many of those years, no credit cards, no debit cards, no cell phone, no iPod shuffling away at the store, and no digital camera to capture my moments there.

I recovered from three robberies, 3 major equipment breakdowns,bouts of closing due to sickness and a few interactions with various maniacs who disguised themselves as customers.

I connected with people face to face and on a corded phone everyday. Even made time to work within the local school district turning down a coaching job since that took me past my limits as a small business owner. I traveled often short and long distances all with a corded phone, good employees and cash.

I had never married during those days and had lots of time for just about everything and everybody who often had whims. At times I wish for a storefront again.
Maybe an old fashioned record store (and I'm not even THAT old) Too bad they don't exist anymore. I sometimes miss that daily interaction I had with customers who came in willingly to buy my product. Constantly talking to people, hearing their stories, making them dinner, enjoying their children (usually) If it were only that easy with my music.

I now sit writing on my computer that I rely on for many things,spend many days alone (which I love) designing my upcoming CD, working on my website, writing songs, communicating with friends, family and band members by email, with my cell phone on my desk. I no longer have the time to invest that I once did. It would seem with all of this technology I would have more time and more money from my efforts. Not so.

How things have changed.

Music is a whole new way of living for me. Im still self employed but it is completely different from a storefront. Music is entirely different.
Although I have written, played and sang for years I now direct much of my time to it. Everything we do with music has changed.

The way we purchase music, not only in the process but in the quality. You can now download songs for pennies 24 hours a day in some form of compacted sound to be played on your iPod or MP3 player or phone.
With all of its squashed qualities.

Sure takes the fun away from waiting for the album to come out.

We no longer have anticipation.

We see every photo as we take them, we get messages from around the world in minutes at our fingertips, we can take pictures, write messages and listen to music on our phones, and we listen to music files on little tiny computer speakers or tiny ear buds.

With everything compacted into our computers and phones we should have way more space in our homes. But we dont because we still rent storage space.

I'm old school in many ways and that will never change.Thinking back to the days of waiting for the latest music with my brother. We would go to Everybodys Records for the latest album or Fred Meyer for the latest 45 or cassette. I still want a collection of tangible albums to hold in my hands. Real music that was recorded in a studio.

I will always have a real stereo with speakers and real components blaring out creations from various people, including myself. That’s how I test my music. I think it was Tom Petty who used to take the cassette out to his car and if it sounded good out there then he was finished mixing the album.

I still anticipate an album of music especially when its my own. A final mix of my thoughts intertwined with music for anyone to hear. I wont be waiting much longer since I have mixes in my old school stereo as I write this.
(January below)

January 2008
My life took a quick turn as the new year sprinted past me while we led out the old year by the arm.
Leaving behind a haven of creativity. Which is now in boxes.

The new year always brings the heavy lid of January and thankfully there are many great birthdays to celebrate this otherwise dreary month.

I am tremendously thankful for my family who's love never fails. I am glad that I was raised with love and common sense, even when I fail to use it at times - it remains.

While I sift through this life in America where the loudest opinions are the ones I never agree with, I wonder where is the sense of this nation, my state, my city, my life and yet I'm so very proud to be an American.

The media and selfish ranters of this world who try to control us with their opinion makes a sensible person pull out their hair.

We reunite a dog to its "original family" through a hefty price tag but not a small child ?

We gripe because no one helped the Katrina victims but many of the people there had lived off of whose money for years ? We reward people for not working and pay for people who don't pay taxes and wonder why people are angry about immigration ?

We seldom check the origin of our food but somehow have faith to eat it and have no faith in the Creator of this world ?

We eat chemicals everyday and put them on our bodies then wonder why we are sick. We then fight the sickness with chemicals ?

We fight against war but not homelessness. We rally for dogs and cats but not our children and the elderly ?

We give people tip money for making our $3.95 coffee in under a minute to have our fix but do we bend down to the beggar on the street ?

We binge on alcohol and substances and gorge ourselves on altered food until we are fat and wonder why we have a serious health crisis ?

We listen to people like Al Gore and Oprah letting them form our opinions without finding out truths for ourselves.

With bluetooth, blackberrys, computers, email, texting, we still don't have a clue how to communicate and love one another. And still need someone to tell us how to have the "best life" ?

We complain and murmur and call names when we don't agree and never learn from other countries who have absolutely nothing. We could certainly learn how they somehow manage to smile while living in extreme poverty.

Don't get me wrong there are good things still abounding where I live. And many people are the unsung heroes who stand up and advocate for children, and are responsible caring pet owners. There are people who take a stand for truth and who actually think for themselves, who are moral, peaceful, hardworking people.

We still have freedom, we can still speak any language we want to, we can believe however we choose, we have gorgeous scenery, byways and oceans, we have money, jobs and knowledge to make a difference in this world. We have education at our fingertips and though "real" food dwindles we still have the right to grow whatever we want. We can peacefully rally for what we believe in anytime of the day.

We can still think for ourselves and choose to live a truthful life; we are still allowed to have beautiful children who are born every minute

But my best life will not come from Oprah or Obama (appalling that we don't think for ourselves)
My so called "best life" will be fulfilled when I live how I was created to by God. Right where I was born with no regrets and leaving a mark on life that wont be erased.

And I want to love because all of these freedoms are great but without love what are they worth ?

I wont be writing a how-to book and telling you how to do it but I will at the very least start the new year with common sense and an appreciation for our great land. Loving others ....well that's a different story - I am working on it ......it's not America that I am often ashamed of just some of the people who live here.
(Dec. below)

December 2007
If you have read my journal entries for over a year you will know what I think of the American madness of "Christmas."

I have little to do with what some have made of it and yet I truly love this time of year.
For me it evokes incredible memories from every year of my life.

I am working on a new project about my legacy. I have a rich one - that at times keeps me up at night with thoughts as I try to put them all in place. The easiest way for me is through song which have come rampantly lately. I have always had a blessed life and never once have I taken it lightly.

At this time it seems I have come far enough along to see results of just doing what I am to do. Sometimes is has taken years for me to see what one step will produce - and with other things it's been quick and within days I know.

I would so much rather spend time recalling greatness then forging through the crowds of coughing pushy people ramming through the stores in a frenzied state gathering things that will be in goodwill next year. For some that is the truth. I just don't like the fact that people feel some strange pressure to give when they don't know me anyway so what's the point?

Which doesn't mean I don't like gifts -giving or receiving I simply don't want something for the sake of Christmas duty. I do however enjoy very much gathering things to give because of friendship, love and the very joy of it all when it's a shared event.

My desire to remember has been great especially this time of year. My thoughts go to my home, my family, Daddy's fire in the fireplace, snow wishes and the smells of the season. With people who know me, love me and care about me. I have an exceptional family.
I would have an anticipation during the season like I have never known since. Singing at the midnight Christmas Eve service in our little white church; my very own tree in my room with lights around my window; the advent calendar that I wanted to peak ahead at; food drives and gift making and programs at school, music and laughter and baking with Momma, waiting and wishing hoping for snow. Our home full of my Momma's beautiful decorations and excellent food and seeing relatives that are now gone.

There have been a few times at Christmas when I was away from home. I was alone in a small flat in Belfast. I spent one Christmas long ago with a family in South Dakota and one I spent by myself by the fire in my room. Two different times I rammed off to snowy destinations for a winter getaway on Christmas Day with my folks - oh those were great times! I now have Christmas Eve get aways with my husband that treasure and love to do.

But the memories made have reminded me of my legacy and how I long to leave behind meaningful substance that long outlasts the gifts given.

I hope to have in my hands soon the latest recording of songs
"Believe"
I am certainly living in a state of belief after a long time of waiting, all the while believing for so many things I won't go into. I look forward to the upcoming CD and I still believe.
(November below

November 2007
Just to think of another year being very close to over is shocking to me.

It was 8 years ago last month that I played solo with my own songs. Some of those same songs have been created and re-created until I'm really enthused to work on recording again soon. ( I am also a little bit bored with my creations-some songs are 13 years old I am past ready)

But Ive been down this road before - Spent hours and days and nights making an album of my music for all to hear- Spending money, sitting for hours, adjusting schedules of many to record something good to my ears that makes this all worthwhile ....just to have it disappear with some technical flaw and error and the musicians scatter to the wind.
So I hold this time frame lightly. Well at least I'm trying to.

Some pessimism is only optimism with experience.

I'm learning that whatever the outcome there are times and seasons simply to enjoy no matter what happens. And every time frame and musician I play with is so very different and so perfect for that specific time.

I will say this has been the easiest time of playing with others. What a great time its been.

And of course I am true to form already into the next project before completing the current one. I have to do that or otherwise I would be sitting in the same coffeehouse I was in 8 years ago.
This upcoming hopeful is a project so "old school" you wont even believe it. Something that inspires me with even the thought of it. Just so happens I'm playing with someone who not only gets it - it was his idea! I am amazed ~

I do look back on this past year with a full heart. It was a year ago this week that we recorded Twilight to Midnight. Ive been thankful for that project at least to have something to hold in my hands and say here are a few of my songs.

I was beyond thrilled when I heard yesterday that there are kids (three separate sets in different towns) listening to and requesting my CD. At bedtime - in the car - around the house
THAT is why I like to record. Not because I think I'm a pro and certainly NOT that I enjoy anything technical about recording music but simply because I get to share my songs from miles away. Anytime, anywhere, any day maybe even creating memories for someone along the way.

That was a crucial moment of remembrance for me since some of the proceeds of this CD have gone to children in need. Then to have children asking to hear my music or playing it themselves --- ahhh It doesn't get any better than that!

That is why I keep plodding along.